Things I am sure I have forgotten to mention:
1: There is absolutely NO natural light in your cabin. The watch dial could read 9:00am, 5:00pm, or damn well 4:00 am, and it is still as dark or darker than when your mamma popped your crying ass out of the womb. This leads to frequent grabbing of your cell phone (and or watch) in terror, hoping you have not slept through anything important.
2: Whether rough or calm seas, the boat always moves. Sea legs are no joke! My first time off the ship, I looked like a salsa dancer who lost his sense of rhythm.
3: Days at sea are dull, more so than watching the Buffalo Bills play football. (this of course is a feeble attempt to get the Bills fans out there to comment on my blog….)
4: With1500 crew onboard, it is impossible to get laundry done.
5: Plain chicken breasts are a celebratable affair in the crew mess. Most days you eat food from India, the Philippines, or some other odd land. Your best bet is to slather anything indistinguishable in hot sauce and hope you don’t piss out your asshole an hour later.
5: Pop is soda, chips are fries, crisps are potato chips, and the fruit punch dispenser never fucking works!
6: Water is your best friend, drink much of it and drink it often.
7: Coffee on ship is made from bilge water or perhaps spare diesel fuel.
8: Mornings you miss home and hate communal living, afternoons you get over it, evenings you really dig ship life, and nights make you curse the day you ever lived the land life.
09: Guests are called “cones” by the crew. There are two different explanations for this. Reason number one is, they are like road cones, you dodge them at all costs. The second is that guests always come off like the SNL “Cone heads” skit. I think both rationales apply.
10: Eastern European girls are HOT.
Anyway, I will be in Cozumel, Mexico tomorrow. I am actually getting my first real port time, so I will definitely have pics and a post for you. Keep it on the reel, kids.
Love,
Seabag
P.S.
You haven’t seen shit until you have seen an electrical storm over the Atlantic at 4 in the morning.
The Gulf of Mexico is so bloody calm that it legitimately freaks you out. I shit you not; today it was smoother than I have EVER seen Lake Erie.
2 comments:
Mic,
This is your best post yet - although they have all been entertaining! Maybe you should consider a career in comedy or writing after this gig is over. Very cool. Love, Auntie
HA HA HA I was so gonna say the same as your aunt...Maybe you should boot the less than terrific stand-up comic overboard and take his place...this was without a doubt your bestest ever post...LMAO..."sea legs"..OH MY
Have a great week:)
Big Hugs
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